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It's also possible that deep down she's like many of us here, and her shelf will break and she'll want out. Because I have a husband that is not a member I have a quasi like status in the ward. I'd suggest taking issue with things that specifically bug you the most. I am married to an interventional cardiologist. Once she realizes you won't join and she can't get married in the temple, then I suspect everything will be over.
I've never understood that bit of the LDS culture. If you aren't sealed together, say good-bye for eternity. If you care about him, you'll be super understanding, maybe take lunch to him or dinner to the hospital A quick kiss and a thank you may be all you will be able to get.